We are getting into swimsuit season, a time of year that is always met with excitement and dread. As a woman who has grown up slightly overweight, I know how difficult this time of year can be. Wanting to hide any “problem area,” wanting to cover up, wanting to stay at home because you don’t look as good as your thinner friends do; summer can be hard. It doesn’t get any easier when you’re constantly comparing yourself to the “normal” girls that are prettier than you because they wear a smaller dress size. You don’t even have to be overweight to have these feelings; many people suffer from low self-esteem because they believe they don’t look “right.” Lesley Miller used to believe that, but this year the twenty-one year old had a revelation that changed her and we couldn’t be happier for her.
In a Facebook post for Love What Matters, Lesley shares her story of being body shamed as early as age three, trying to join Weight Watchers at age seven, attending weight loss camp at age nine, and getting lap band surgery at age eleven. Even after all of that, Lesley went on to cut herself at age fifteen, thinking that she “deserved it.” Utterly heartbreaking. Anyone who has struggled with their weight knows that it’s never enough. You can get stuck in the mentality of if you lose five pounds you still have fifty to go. Lesley explains that her “worth for the day [was] solely determined by the number on the scale being lower than the day before.”
That’s a hard life. It’s hard to constantly obsess over every ounce that goes on or off of your body. It’s hard to not let yourself have fun because you don’t feel right in your own skin. It’s hard to put your life on hold because you don’t like how you look. After all of this time, Lesley got tired of waiting. She went out, bought her first bikini, and proudly displayed everything she had. “You can see it all. Weird bulges and rolls of fat. Hanging excess skin. Stretch marks, cellulite, surgical and self harm scars. Awkward protrusion of my abdomen from my lap band. I want to learn to love all of myself, not just the parts I’ve been told are ‘acceptable.’” She realized that she didn’t have to fight her body, she didn’t have to be ashamed of how she looked, she could love herself. She learned that she “was always enough. And you are too.”
I know that I have been guilty of talking about dieting to get that “perfect” beach-bod, or wanting to be thinner, but the truth is, it wouldn’t make me happy. If I were a size 2 I wouldn’t be happy, I’d find some other problem with how I look and obsess over that. Because that’s the reality: you are always enough, but your insecurities can blind you to that fact. You can’t let you size or shape stop you from being happy. I’m not saying that eating healthy is wrong. What I’m saying is, if you haven’t reached your goal weight by the time of your first beach trip, pack that bikini anyway. Don’t be afraid of how beautiful you are. Thank you, Lesley, for leading the charge.
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